


Bitter Revenge

by Zendelai



Series: Mia Shepard [3]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Garrus Loyalty Mission, Mostly Thane and Garrus Friendship, On Loss, Sidonis Mention, Some Shrios, and revenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-04-10 08:27:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4384550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zendelai/pseuds/Zendelai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After catching up with Sidonis, Thane tries to provide some comfort to Garrus.</p>
<p>Giveaway prize for probablylostrightnow over on Tumblr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bitter Revenge

**Author's Note:**

  * For [probablylostrightnow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/probablylostrightnow/gifts).



Spirits on the  _Normandy_ were tense and unsettled, for the crew members had joined with the knowledge that this was very likely their last mission before they gave their souls for the greater good, and the mission was reaching its apex.

Yet one did not make such a decision without an amount of trepidation, and more importantly, reflection on one's decisions, knowing this was one's last opportunity to rectify them. Impending death brought to light regrets that had been buried beneath years of denial.

For Thane, that regret was Kolyat.

For many of his ship fellows, it was other family members left aside as they pursued either greatness or subordination. Family was a construct given and not chosen; some were given the proverbial 'short end of the stick', while others chose to leave behind those they had been given.

Garrus was the exception.

When presented with a closed door of a father and an ailing mother, he found Shepard, who opened his eyes and introduced him to the very real possibility that he could change the galaxy. When she was first lost to the great darkness, he vouched to create his own family, like the one Shepard had created for herself; one who shared his goals and beliefs rather than leading him through their own perception of what his life should be, the way his father had. For those years, he had finally been himself instead of feeling like a man who was good for naught but rebelling against the desires of his father and C-Sec.

For those years, he had been free to mete out the type of justice that, at his core, he had believed in.

And Amonkira had been summoned by dark, vengeful men to execute that very family he had chosen.

The galaxy was a cruel, cruel place, as hungry to take as it was to give, and Garrus was again left alone, as he had been so long ago.

As a result, his heart turned to darkness, his focus on revenge, against both the Collectors that took Shepard away from him and the man who took away his chosen family. It was luck that had brought Shepard back to him, for Thane feared that Garrus would not be with them now had she not found him in time. When she found him, alone, starved, and not caring for his own life, she realized that a new Garrus had been born, one who had suffered more than any should, who had seen the greatest injustices the galaxy had to offer, who hid the doubt and guilt and blame on himself beneath humour and confidence. 

He became a man Thane believed he wholly understood.

That understanding was what lead Thane to Dark Star in his hunt for Garrus. Thane's intuition was correct; at the bar Garrus sat, an untouched drink between his hands, his broad shoulders slumped beneath his armour by the weight of defeat, disappointment, and blame.

In the shadows Thane waited, watching Garrus; the turian did not move except on occasion to let out a deep exhale, his head slumping down further with each sigh. Never before had he appeared so defeated.

Tentatively Thane approached; gesturing to the seat beside Garrus, he asked, "May I?" His request was met with only a shrug and Thane took a seat, waving for a drink from the bartender, a drink he knew would remain as untouched as Garrus'.

Thane had been present while the events which lead Garrus to his defeated state unfolded. He followed while they tracked down a man Garrus once knew as Harkin, and raced to where Sidonis had last been spotted in their shared shuttle; Garrus had remained silent in contemplation, his grip so tight in his sniper rifle he could have cracked the grip. Thane had watched through his own scope while Garrus lined up his shot and Shepard approached the object of Garrus' vengeful desire, and listened to their conversation, of Shepard's open defiance and Garrus' eventual acquiescence. The trip home had too been silent, all jokes and fire sucked out of Garrus like they had entered a vacuum.

In the heavy, moist air of Dark Star, Garrus remained silent, so Thane spoke first. "Revenge is more bitter than sweet."

Garrus' gaze flipped upwards at the lights flashing along the ceiling, bathing the room in dimmed lighting. He opened his mouth to speak before swiftly closing it, silenced by shame.

"The desire for revenge is justified," Thane continued, "But the result is never satisfying. I killed dozens for Irikah, yet with each kill that hole was filled with nothing but the darkness of more death."

Garrus' eyes shut firmly and his teeth clenched, holding in the desperation that threatened to overwhelm him. His words were strained when he asked, "Why do the good die while the evil still live?"

"The evil are cursed with long life, for it means for the duration of that life they must carry the weight of their actions."

Garrus' eyes opened and his brow flashed into a momentary furrow. Thane knew his words had struck a chord. "That explains why I'm here while they're not. It was my fault they died, for trusting too easily, for being naive to Sidonis' motives."

"As it was my fault that my arrogance lead my pursuers straight to Irikah. But that blame does not bring her back, nor will it bring back your team."

Garrus swirled the drink in hand, watching the light refract off the translucent fluid. When he spoke, his tone was soft and filled with a longing for a changed past, a longing Thane was too familiar with. "Shepard was right." Slowly, his head shook, side to side. “I know that, in the moment, I would have been satisfied to watch that bullet go in Sidonis’ head. But I also know I’d still be here at the end of the day, and my team wouldn’t. Killing Sidonis wouldn't have brought them back. ”

"That does not make their losses any easier to bear."

Garrus sighed, his shoulders shuddering in exhale. "No, it doesn't." 

Thane's thoughts turned to his Siha, and the quiet power she exuded. Even if Garrus harboured some resentment for her actions, he would know she changed his life, and she had done it because she cared for him. When Thane had watched her through his scope today, standing directly in Garrus' line of fire to save a stranger, it had reminded him so much of Irikah standing in his own.

_Sunset coloured eyes, filled with defiance, knowing not the man I was nor the man I was trying to kill, but determined to save him -- and coincidentally, myself -- nonetheless._

_Eyes of the greenest fields, filled with trust for the man who was aiming at her, concerned with protecting not the man she stood before but the man who was about to make the shot, and the last fragment of the mercy he once possessed._

Shepard was not Irikah, but in that moment, their similar constitutions showed.

Thane's head bowed. "I prayed for your losses. If there's more I can do..."

The faintest shadow of a smile lifted one of Garrus' mandibles. "You can share a drink with me."

Thane touched the liquid to his lips, and it burned as it passed down his throat. For Garrus, this wound would take time to heal, but Thane only hoped he had provided the salve that his teammate needed. "That I can do."


End file.
